Our home should be a sanctuary for our entire family. When we come home to disarray and conflict, it takes a toll on us, our marriage and our ability to parent (and function in general) effectively. Setting a few simple house rules for everyone to follow can work wonders to restore order and peace to your house and your family.

Why is it important to have family house rules?

Benefits of House Rules for Children:

• They help kids learn acceptable versus unacceptable behaviors.
• Setting clear expectations and boundaries give children a sense of security and sets them up for success.
• They teach respect and personal responsibility.
• Outlining rules and the reasons for them cuts down on arguments and lessens resistance.
• Rules can teach empathy and foster emotional maturity. 
• They build confidence and boost self-esteem.

How to Implement House Rules:   

• Call a family meeting to discuss rules and their importance. Explain how having rules will improve life at home for everyone, and that everyone (parents included) will be expected to follow the rules. Start by discussing rules in general and their purpose. For us, it went a little something like this:

• Choose the rules everyone will follow. Be sure the rules are ones that can and should apply to both adults and children alike. They should be fair and reasonable. We can’t expect kids to follow rules we ourselves can’t model for them. As parents, we may need to examine the examples we are setting and adjust or improve certain behaviors for the greater good of our children and our family.

• Go slow and don’t overwhelm. Start with 3-6 simple rules that you feel will be most impactful. Once those become habit, you can add more as you see fit. Keep in mind, the more rules you try to implement, the more difficult it will be for everyone to remember and adhere to them. 

• Discuss the why behind each rule and give examples. I’ve included our family house rules and the whys later in this post as an example.

• Explain what will happen when someone breaks a rule. A friendly reminder comes first. Usually, that’s all it takes to get back on track. Consequences (such as a time out or no electronics for a period of time) should be enforced if anyone consistently breaks a rule despite friendly reminders.

• Make sure everyone in the family knows and understands the rules. Give examples of actions that display following the rules versus breaking the rules.

• Post rules where everyone in the family can see them. Having the rules displayed visually will help everyone to remember and assist in reinforcing. Refer back to the posted rules as needed. If someone forgets, point to the rule in question. 

• Encourage questions and welcome suggestions (within reason).

• Involve caregivers, friends, and relatives by asking them to follow the house rules when visiting.

What are some good family house rules?

Every family is different, so house rules should vary accordingly. A family with older children will likely not have all the same rules as a family with toddlers. Determine the main areas of contention for your family and brainstorm some rules that could work to proactively solve the issues before they become problems. Choose wisely, as parents should also be prepared to follow these rules. (Not to say you can’t have other rules for just kids, but those should be separate and regarded with comparatively less importance.) 

There are a few basic values that most families hope to promote within their homes. Your family’s values should be reflected in your house rules. You’ll most likely want to promote respect, cooperation, self-control, and other important concepts. Choose your approach and wording according to your children’s ages and maturity levels. For example, “respect” may be difficult for a small child to grasp, however “kind” or “gentle” are words they likely know and understand well.

Our Family House Rules

We like to keep things simple in our family, so we only have 5 rules at the moment. They cover a wide range of scenarios, and our 5-year-old daughter knows them by heart. She is quick to point out when Mommy or Daddy break a rule, but I honestly feel it has been great to have my mini-me keep me in line. I want to model the behavior I expect of my family, and them holding me accountable has made me a better parent. 

Be respectful or be kind.

How much easier would your family life be if everyone showed more kindness and respect for themselves, one another, your home and belongings? Again, respect can be a difficult concept for young children, which is why our family chose “be kind.” The golden rule (treat others how you want to be treated), could also be a good choice.

The WHY behind the rule: When we treat others with kindness, as we want to be treated, we prevent hurt feelings and have a happier, more peaceful home. 

This includes actions, words, and property. For example, we don’t hit because we wouldn’t want to be hit. We don’t call people names because we wouldn’t want to be called names. We don’t mishandle/break/take others’ things because we wouldn’t our possessions to be mistreated, lost or broken.

This notion is easily grasped by even small children and it covers a lot of ground. I love how the author of this post breaks respect down into 3 categories: Respect yourself, respect others, respect property. Most other rules are related to respect in some way, so be sure to check it out.  

Tell the Truth.

Honesty is so important in relationships, not just for children, but for parents, too. Fostering an environment where honesty is valued will encourage your children to come to you with their problems and mistakes. 

The WHY behind the rule: Honesty is important because it is tied with trust. When we’re dishonest, others don’t know when they can trust us and believe what we’re saying. As a family, we need to be able to trust one another so we know we can count on one another. Telling a lie always ends up being worse for everyone than telling the truth.

Be prepared to be held to the same standard of honesty you expect for your kids. Answer their questions honestly, though age-appropriately of course. It is perfectly acceptable to respond with, “That is something you will learn when you are older,” when your 6-year-old asks where babies come from. But don’t tell her the stork brings them. When your kids eventually deduce that isn’t true, you’ll lose credibility.

Be helpful.

A family is a team, and in order for a team to function well, everyone has their position and works toward a common goal.

The WHY behind the rule: Helping each other with tasks and house chores keeps the workload even and ensures fairness. When we all do our part, we can get work done faster, which means more time for fun together!

Encouraging helpfulness is great because it makes children feel they are important to the family, it boosts self-confidence, and demonstrates that their actions are impactful. Look for opportunities to involve your kids in household duties and errands and assign specific responsibilities when possible. Be sure to express how much their efforts help the family. 

Listen when spoken to.

This means actively listening with your ears and eyes. When someone speaks to you, stop what you’re doing, look at the person and wait until he or she is finished before talking. Acknowledge the speaker so they know you’ve heard and understood.

The WHY behind the rule: Stopping to look and focus on the person talking shows that you care what they have to say. It helps cut down on miscommunications and misunderstandings between family members.

In a time where kids and adults alike are glued to their phones or various other screens, active listening is becoming a lost art. Put your phone down when your kids talk to you and insist they do the same.

Be grateful.

Appreciate what you have, and express thanks when receiving something new.

The WHY behind the rule: Showing we appreciate others is good manners and makes them feel loved and respected. Being grateful for what we have helps us focus on the positive.

Thankfulness cultivates optimism and emotional maturity, and expressing it to others improves relationships and encourages cooperation. Gratitude also discourages complaining and whining. In our family, we count our blessings daily and say “thank you: often. Doing so keeps things in perspective, even when we are experiencing disappointments or hard times. To learn more about the benefits of gratitude, check out this article from Psychology Today.

How to Ensure Success:

Be consistent.

The rules won’t work if you don’t enforce them and follow them yourself. Again, setting an example for your kids to model is important. It will take time, mindfulness and discipline for all involved. But a peaceful home is so worth it. And it does get easier the longer you stick with it!

Keep it simple and positive.

For example: Instead of the rule, “No hitting, kicking, biting or name-calling” go with “show respect” or “be kind.” It’s easy to understand and covers a lot of scenarios. This is also what I call a “do” rule. “Do” be kind, vs. “don’t” or “no” hitting, etc. It instructs what should be done while implying what shouldn’t. It outlines the desired behavior instead of focusing on a negative.

Be prepared to be called out if you break a rule.

If that happens, be encouraged! It means your children are learning and remembering the rules. Our daughter is quick to point out when her father or I slip up! Acknowledge if you have a broken a house rule and correct your behavior, or explain why this case is an exception. (But be selective when making exceptions for yourself or the rules will lose significance.)

Pile on the praise when rules are followed!

If you have younger kids, never underestimate the power of a high-five or hug. “I knew you could do it!” and “I’m so proud of you!” are great, too! For teenagers, try showing appreciation for their contributions to the family. Complement them when you see them make an effort, and focus on their successes rather than their shortcomings.