It’s easy to take good health for granted, whether our own or that of our family and friends. Unfortunately, as many of us know, when a loved one’s health declines it can turn our world upside down. We may feel powerless because so much is out of our control. Here are just a few ways we can offer care and support in order to help a sick loved one.
I speak from experience when I say, it can make you feel helpless when someone you love gets very sick.
They may feel scared or be in pain. If the illness is prolonged or terminal, they may even feel depressed or hopeless at times. Caring for someone in such a condition is a heavy burden. But you can get through it if you stay positive and rely on God for your strength.
I’ve spent my fair share of time in hospitals and doctors’ offices. Not for myself, but for my family. First was my grandmother, who lived with us when I was growing up and suffered a stroke, then terminal cancer. I can still remember the furniture in the hospital canteen. My sister and I always kept quarters in our pockets for the vending machines. Our home was full of medical equipment. We even a hospital bed in our dining room because we couldn’t fit it down the hall to get it into a bedroom. I never appreciated all that my mother did to care for her at the time.
A little over a decade later and my mother was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Radiation and chemotherapy commenced. I was only in my early twenties, just out of college. I made an effort to go with her and my dad to doctor’s appointments and chemo.
Looking back there was a lot more I could have done for her, but at the time I just didn’t know how to handle it.
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By the time my father was hospitalized with diverticulitis another decade later, I felt more capable of caring for him. I knew enough to write down his medications and doses, his vitals, and questions to ask the doctor when he made his next round. It wasn’t easy, but by the grace of God, he made a full recovery.
Here are a few simple ways you can be there for a loved one when they are sick.
Make them laugh.
Constantly being poked and prodded by doctors and trapped in hospital rooms can be frustrating and undignified. Whatever humility a person has goes right out the window once they’re forced to wear those hideous gowns that open in the back. But there is humor in those situations if you know where to look.
There is truth in the saying, “laughter is the best medicine.” Laughing can reduce stress and promote healing! So crack a joke, turn on a good sitcom (The Golden Girls was my mom and grandma’s favorite) and help them forget about the seriousness of it all, even if only for a little while.
Be present.
Visit. Get their minds off doctor visits and medications. Make it a regular habit to give a sense of normalcy. You don’t want to only visit when they’ve taken a turn for the worse or you’ll start to seem like the grim reaper. You don’t have to always know what to say, just show up and be supportive and encouraging.
Help with daily tasks.
Bring over dinner, do their grocery shopping, cleaning, or laundry. Drive them to the doctor, and offer moral support when receiving test results. When we’re healthy we may take for granted all the little things that need doing on a daily basis. You can relieve a huge burden by taking on some of these responsibilities.
If you are not one of the primary caregivers, you can still be a big help to those who are by taking on some of these tasks. It is very important to help them to take care of themselves so they can be there for their sick loved one without suffering from burnout or excessive stress. Offer to come and sit for a while so they can have a break, watch their kids, or anything else that would allow them to rest and recharge.
Insist.
Often people don’t want to be a bother and will refuse help even when they need it. Be sure to tell him or her why you want to help (you’ve always prayed for me, you’ve been kind to my children, you’ve been a wonderful example in our community, etc). This will help them to feel respected instead of pitied.
Advocate for them.
People suffering from a serious illness are obviously not at their best and need help determining their care options and choosing the right ones. Work with the hospital to help keep track of their medications, explain the necessary treatments/procedures and inform them of their rights and options. If you can’t personally take on this role, reach out to family members and connect them with a patient advocate at the hospital.
Know their wishes.
If you are going to advocate effectively for someone, you have to have a good understanding of what they would want in a given scenario.
I can remember riding in the ambulance when they took my mother to the hospital. The paramedics kept asking me, “Is she a D.N.R?” In my panic, I had to ask what that meant (do not resuscitate), but once they reminded me, I knew the answer: “NO!” I knew my mother did not want to be kept on life support if she was not going to recover. But I also knew she also didn’t want to go without a fight. I told the E.M.T.s with confidence (and insistence) to perform whatever lifesaving techniques were necessary to keep her breathing and get her to the hospital.
You do not want to have to be calling other family members to ask these questions in an emergency. So prepare for the worst well in advance so you know what to do if that time comes.
Pray for them, and with them.
James 5:14-15 says, Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.
…the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up.
Prayer is POWERFUL! More and more studies are proving the healing power of prayer. For example, a double-blind study conducted at Duke University Medical Center found that within a group of 150 cardiac post-operative patients, those that were prayed for had the highest success rates.
A similar study conducted at San Francisco General Hospital’s Coronary Care Unit exhibited comparable results. The patients that were prayed for were much less likely to need urgent critical care and had a lower rate of death!
But what if your loved one is not a believer?
Everyone that has found salvation and redemption through Jesus Christ wants the same for their family and friends. If someone you love does not have a relationship with Jesus, and especially if they are terminally ill, I pray that God will give you the courage and the right words to guide them to our Lord and savior.
Through Jesus’ death and resurrection, we have all been given the chance at eternal life. His promises give us hope in our darkest hour. Even when our earthly bodies fail, we can take comfort in knowing there is so much more waiting for us with Him in Heaven.
Caring for a sick loved one is one of life’s greatest trials. But the Lord has given you all you need to provide comfort and strength to those who need it.
Have you had a family member or close friend battle a serious illness? What ways have you found to help a sick loved one?
Leave a comment below!
